AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |
Back to Blog
Iceberg model examples9/14/2023 ![]() ![]() Talk in calm voice and remember my little saying: When it comes to our children, no matter how triggered you feel (and we’ll discuss the parent’s Iceberg next week), it’s important to stay calm and let the child or teen know that you’re not planning to attack. Would you yell at it? No, you would most likely talk to it very softly, letting it know that you’re not a threat and not planning to attack. Imagine if you were walking in a forest and you come across a wild animal growling or hissing at you. Not to compare our kids to animals, but the Amygdala part of the brain is the oldest part of our brain that we share with animals… If we remember that the Amygdala part of our brain activates the fight, flight or freeze response as a protective mechanism, then we can understand that our child or teen is feeling a perceived threat or is actually threatened. Later, you may or may not decide to then talk about their behaviour and making amends or doing re-pair. It’s a window of opportunity that might close. ( Read more in my free ebook: 8 Common Mistakes to Avoid When Your Child Is Anxious.) Why focus on behaviour after?īecause in the heat of the moment, there is an opportunity to ride the wave of emotion with our child and as they come out the other side, hear their pain, and be with them in a vulnerable state. Punishing your anxious child is not going to change their behaviour, helping them understand their anxiety and how to manage it, is. If they are using harsh words or storm off on you, then I recommend focusing on getting below the surface first and come back to the behaviour, if applicable, later.įor example, with anxiety, they go into fight, flight or freeze because they truly believe they’re under threat. That could be another whole blog post, but the quick version, is that it depends on your child’s behaviour and your beliefs.įrom my perspective, if your child is physically hurting themselves, you, a sibling or property, you need to set a limit and then get to what’s going on below the surface. Limit Setting with Different Types of Child Behaviourīefore we talk about how to melt our child, some of you are probably wondering about limit setting. I’m sure you’ve had that experience of seeing your child go from being really harsh and angry to tears and being more soft – this is what we need to try to help them to do. When our child is being cold, sharp and icy, we need to try to melt them. ![]() I also like the symbol of an iceberg because it’s cold, sharp and icy but it can be melted. ![]() We need to try and take this opportunity to soften our child/teen and get to the feelings that our deeper in the iceberg. Your child might be feeling hurt (this happens a lot for highly sensitive kids), sad, disappointed, overwhelmed, disappointed, frustrated, ashamed, jealous, scared, anxious, worried etc. ![]() Your child or teen is experiencing vulnerable feelings which is why it’s hard to share them at first. What Is Happening Below the Tip of The Iceberg? We don’t need a connection with someone to show that we’re angry but we do need a connection to share our more vulnerable feelings which are below the tip of the iceberg. We can get angry with complete strangers. It’s easy to be angry and it doesn’t take vulnerability. Why is anger the only feeling at the tip of the iceberg?Īnger is a surface emotion. What Words and Feelings Do We See at The Tip of the Iceberg?
0 Comments
Read More
Leave a Reply. |